I don't know what it is about Fridays; about celebrating the end of the work week, sending our professional selves into hibernation, and letting our true, fun, "real life" selves come out... I don't know what it is about Fridays, but I do know that (for the most part) if you choose to celebrate your Fridays out in public, you don't do so alone.
Well, I don't do so alone. Or, I suppose I should say that I don't usually. Today, I did. Right now I am. While it's true that I'm not at the most happening, the rowdiest of bars (to be honest, it's more of a cafe with soon-to-start live music and alcohol), it is a bar. And although I wish I'd brought something a bit more entertaining out with me, like my notebook, or even Anna Karenina, I'm out. In public. Alone. On a Friday.
I'm trying to think of what it is that feels so wrong about being out alone on a Friday, or even a Saturday, if I'm being honest. It's not the alone part that I mind. As a frequent traveler, I'm comfortable spending time with myself. If I had to guess, it's what being out alone on a Friday (or Saturday) implies: I'm not out with a partner, so I must be single. Alone. I'm not out with a girlfriend, or even a group of friends, so either I'm a loser, or I'm a loner. Either way, I'm once again... Alone.
I've never understood why there isn't more of a Good for her; she's doing what she wants to do or a She doesn't need to rely on people to have a good evening; fair play, or even a She looks relaxed with her jar of wine; good for her.
Maybe I'm wrong, and it's all in my head. Sitting at this bar, with music starting in the background, I am relaxed. I'm even feeling mostly comfortable. I sat leaned back, with my foot up on the chair across from me, and gazed peacefully out across Commercial Drive. So what if I wasn't totally comfortable yet? I looked comfortable, and I'd like to think I looked confident. Quite frankly, I think conquering this fear of mine is going to require a lot of faking it 'til I make it.
But, when my glass of wine emptied, and it was time for me to move on. Was I excited about heading on to the next space, one with better food, fewer seats, louder music, and less personal space? Not exactly. Did I go? Yes, yes I did.
So, while I wouldn't say that i necessarily conquered a fear that Friday evening, I definitely think I took a step in the right direction. And eventually, I'll have taken enough of those steps, each one leading me further outside of my comfort zone, that I will have conquered my fear, and expanded my comfort zone to the point where I not only comfortable spending my weekend evenings alone, but I will be comfortable. One day, I will have conquered my fear of (solo) Fridays.
